Studying, being a good freaking boy trying to prepare for exams tomorrow. Nothing dramatic going on, just walking to the gym at midnight… What could happen right haha hahaha..
Lo and behold, as I’m walking, I hear the rumbles. Detached from the world due to headphones I let out a massive fart, obnoxious to the point when it gets borderline impressive. Being the mentally defective box of avocados that I am, I look around AFTER I did the deed.
And of course. There is a guy.
Standing. Right. Behind. Me.
There is literally one dude, out in this stupid city, at this stupid hour. And boy did this one guy just get really uncomfortable with his current living situation.
Meanwhile I realize that my life is an absolute joke, and I start laughing uncontrollably.
Dude is freaking out, power-walking by, lookin’ at me like like I’m the fifth season of Desperate Housewives.
I call up my friend, start talking, start working out. This is nice, I mean, the gym is absolutely empty. I can look as weird as I want while lifting.
Alright, okay. I can do this. Perhaps life isn’t so bad after all, you know? Selfie-game was strong!
You thought I got my act together?
Two security guards busts in, telling me that the gym has been closed for the past hour. I just stare at them sheepishly, having started my firs… Uuhh I mean EIGHTH REP.
So turns out I’ve snuck in literally at the last minute, mission impossible style, and straight up walked past the security system while it was kicking up.
The guards were quite perplexed. But agreed to let me off the hook. I release a long breath, patted myself on my shoulder and headed towards the exit.
Which was locked. I now realize that I’m stuck in limbo between a firmly shut door and a alarm infested gym, not being able to work out yet not being able to get out.
I’m in bodybuilder hell.
So I walk back, dead inside, and as the alarm starts SCREAMING I simply sit down in the middle of the large lobby. It was like a death metal concert mixed with a firetruck siren, stuck in a blender.
Meanwhile I’m sitting there when my life is falling apart, smiling and telling myself
“This is fine”.
When the guards came back I summoned all the persuasiveness I could muster and they once again let me off the hook.
This time they kindly escorted me to the exit, not trusting my ability to open a door like a normal human being. I do not blame them.
I get home, exhausted. But before I can sleep and pretend that this never happened, I need to free my taped up foot & ancle. Tape had been on there for a week, should come off quite nicely.
It did not. It did not come off nicely.
Now I’m sitting there screaming silently, trying not to wake up my roommate, blinking away tears and once again looking like an absolute idiot.
It was an okay day I guess 7/10